And This Is Why I'm Staying Here Another Year

This morning I had a meltdown. I was feeling like people in the office were not being helpful, I didn't really know some of the stuff I was doing, and I was just really really tired (I haven't really had a weekend yet which is something I NEED. I need a break from work and from people and just need to REST). Fortunately, I had my meltdown with the Pagans. Kathy hugged me while I sobbed at my desk and listened to me while I explained myself. Then they both prayed for me and took me out for Chinese where Pete explained to me why certain people at the office act certain ways and that most of the people at the shelter don't really know what they're doing either so I shouldn't worry.
I then went home for a short while and went back to the shelter, though I really wanted to nap instead. Fortunately, when I got back to the office I felt a lot better and I was able to get everything done.

It's so nice that whenever I have meltdowns I always have them with the right people around.
Other than helping out with Project 12, this is why I'm staying here another year. Right now I'm in a cocoon-like state, I'm growing and changing and needing to be in a safe place where I'm free to be myself and be vulnerable and I'm surrounded by Christians who support me and put up with me =)

Later on in the day, after dinner, I found a poem book that I borrowed from someone a very long time ago and started reading it. This poem, by James Weldon Johnson, made me smile.

Sence You Went Away

Seems lak to me de stars don't shine so bright,
Seems lak to me de sun done loss his light,
Seems lak to me der's nothin' goin' right,
Sence you went away.

Seems lak to me de sky ain't half so blue,
Seems lak to me dat ev'ything wants you,
Seems lak to me I don't know what to do,
Sence you went away.

Seems lak to me dat ev'ything is wrong,
Seems lak to me de day's jes twice as long,
Seems lak to me de bird's forgot his song,
Sence you went away.

Seems lak to me I jes can't he'p but sigh,
Seems lak to me ma th'oat keeps gittin' dry,
Seems lak to me a tear stays in my eye,
Sence you went away.

This evening I also went to RL (Redeemed Lives) which is a class I took last year in Project 12 and which I've decided to take again this year (a long with a lot of other people that have already taken it). It's a class that pretty much deals with all the junk in your life (from sexual problems, to family problems, to pride, self-hating, and every other kind of problems) and we're going to have it every Tuesday evening. Both Hannah and I didn't really feel like going, though I was a little excited and curious to find out what small group I was in. See, in this class, we watch a video of a lesson taught by Mario Bergner and then we go to our small groups and talk and pray about whatever the lesson was about. Today's lesson was The Practice of the Presence of God and what really touched me was what he said at the end of the lesson about remembering to call out to Jesus all the time. So I got prayer for that, for God to help me remember to call out to Him when I really need it (like this morning...). I'm so happy and excited about my small group! Hannah, Maggie who's in Project 12, Sue who works at the shelter, and Teresa (a very little, sweet, and quiet old lady who's in our senior program who loves God and horror movies!) are in my small group! I'm really excited to get to know these ladies and my small group leaders better! I'm also glad that Hannah's doing it with me since we're the youngest in our group and know each other very well =)

I'm so so thankful for my room and my roommate!! =) Neither of my former roommates got up or went to bed when I did. So it's nice that Hannah and I wake up around the same time and that every morning we turn the lights on and put some music on while we get ready (I used to have to quietly get ready in the dark). And it's nice to pray and read together (right now we're reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis) every night before we go to bed.
Plus, it's great to have a bright and neat room where I can lay on my comfy couch next to my big window from which I can see the sky and the rain coming down. Aaaaah =)